Not Your Average MarySue
by Sacred Candybar
Summary: What would happen if a MarySue died a pathetic and humiliating death? Well, most of us would cheer. But who would replace her? Follow an average girl as she is trasformed and discovers love, a new life and her place in the world.
1. How it All Began

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Chapter #1: How it all began

Over tall, tall mountains, and wide, wide rivers, there is a valley, with perfect lawns and perfect orchards where the little woodland creatures frolic together in perfect harmony (A/N: I know. Sickening).

Anyway, in the valley, over the many acres of perfect lawn is Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues. This fine institute is where the young models of perfection learn beauty tips, etiquette, and how to become virtually irresistible to men of all ages (in case your wondering, the Institute for Gary-Stus is right across the way).

Inside the large, brick building, at this very moment, in her dressing room, young Alexia Sierra Mary Laura Delgada delicately dabbed some bright green eye-shadow on her eyelid. The particular shade she was using was perfect, matching her eyes, which resembled newly polished jade that was fresh from the stone.

This was a big day for Miss Alexia. In a few short hours, she would make her appearance in a young, aspiring writer's latest masterpiece, "His Only Love" in which she would begin her sixth year at Hogwarts, become amazingly popular, discover the numberless talents she never knew she possessed, fall in love with the one and only Harry Potter (and vice versa), have a small fling with Harry's arch nemesis and his best friend, then realize her only love couldn't possibly be anyone but Harry, and in the thick of the fight, destroy Voldemort and save Harry's life, in the span of twenty chapters! Amazing, no?

"I am, like, so excited for you!" squealed one of the fellow Mary-Sues, who was crowded into the dressing room so they could wish Alexia good luck.

"I'm, like, excited for, like, me too!" squealed Alexia in response. She brushed through her nutmeg brown hair feverishly.

"Alright, girls, alright," Miss Cromwell said as she entered the room. "Alexia needs to relax so she can be all that she can be."

"Yes!" Alexia stated grandly. "I must be wonderful for my fan fiction debut! But before I go, I must have a little lunch."

Little was an understatement. Alexia reached for her purse and pulled out a box of Tic-Tacs.

"I must maintain my girlish figure if I am to be the most popular girl at Hogwarts!" Alexia gushed as she popped the small breath-freshener into her mouth.

"Mmmm!" She said as she relished the taste. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide as dinner plates. Then, she began making a variety of very odd choking sounds that no Mary-Sue in her right mind would utter in public. Alexia began turning a very bright blue similar to the shade that girl in "Willy Wonka" turned when she ate the botched candy. Her eyes bugged out unattractively and she fell to the floor with a rather loud _thud!_ She choked on her three-calories-a-piece lunch for one last time and, finally, her jade eyes rolled back up into her head. She was dead.

There was immediate chaos in the dressing room as soon as the other Mary-Sues realized the rather humiliating demise of their classmate. Perfect stick girls ran in all directions, screaming, crying, and generally making fools of themselves. There was only one thing in the world that could have ceased the pandemonium. Miss Cromwell's voice.

"_SILENCE!" _Miss Cromwell screamed at the top of her lungs. She immediately returned to her stiff and proper stature. "Now, first order of business is to make sure no one else finds out about this-" she lightly kicked the now dead Alexia in the head with her pointy, snake-skin heels "-_untimely_ end of our dear Alexia." She turned to a small group of three huddled in the corner.

"You three!" She said sternly as she pointed at them. "Drag this carcass down to the river and dump her there! No need for anyone to know about this!" In a flash, they had picked up poor Alexia and were headed for the river.

"Now," Miss Cromwell said, rubbing her chin. "We need to find a suitable replacement."

At this, many of the remaining Sues raised their hands in volunteer. Miss Cromwell simply shook her head.

"No," She said in a rather distressed voice. "None of your schedules are clear. We'll have to find a replacement from…" She shuddered at the very thought, but what else was there to do?

"We'll have to get someone from…" She gulped. "…the outside."

"Oh, you wanna go? You wanna go!"

Stephanie Whitney was standing in the hall, facing what could have been the most lecherous boy in the world. The creep had the temerity to snap her bra, then (of all things) to smack her butt. Now, somebody was gonna get hurt.

Stephanie was a girl of sixteen, with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, with a little more meat on her than most of the girls she when to school with (A/N: Just sos everyone knows, she's not fat, she's just average. You know, she has curves. Ya gettin' the picture?). She was a broad, not to girlie, yet not too tough. She was cool. Unfortunately, for her, that kind of cool wasn't "in" with today's society, so she was SOL.

"Yeah, sure." The stupid boy replied. "I'll go…for a ride with you, anyway."

A collective "Oooo" rose from the crowd that had accumulated around them.

"Oh," Stephanie replied, her voice filled with disgust. "You're gonna get it now, you bastard!" And with that in mind, she jumped on him and began to clobber him to a pulp.

The universal battle chant of "Fight, fight, fight!" echoed threw the hall as our heroine beat the living crap out of the pervert. Until…

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

Stephanie looked up momentarily. Oh shit.

"Miss Whitney," the principal said sternly. I would have expected better of you! Go straight to my office, this instance!"

"But he was the one…" Stephanie started, but the attempt was in vain.

"I will not tolerate excuses!" The principal yelled. "Now go!"

Dusting herself off, Stephanie got up and trudged down the hall to the office. As she trudged, she pondered slightly why no one ever wanted to hear her side of the story. She pondered why no one ever wanted to hear what she had to say at all. She had always been alone. She was never very popular. She guessed that was because she was different. She liked different kinds of music than most of the kids her age like, different TV shows and a completely different style. As a result, she had been exiled from her peers, making her a pariah. And because of that, many times she felt as though she had no greater purpose in the world. That feeling was settling over her as we speak. A heavy sadness embedded itself inside her heart and tears clouded her vision. Why couldn't she meet someone special, a friend, maybe even something close to a guardian angel, who looked after you and loved you and comforted you when you felt that the world had no use for you and, as a result, ignored you?

Unfortunately, Stephanie didn't have time to ponder these great mysteries, because she had finally reached the office. She opened the door and plopped herself down into the chair in front of the principal's desk. She knew it would be a while before the stupid lump of a school director would show up. No doubt to collect the false story from that nasty little perv.

To occupy her mind, she focused her attention on the snow globe on the desk in front of her, watching the small snowflakes float around in the water-filled sphere. But there was something strange about one of the ersatz flakes. One was much bigger than the rest of them. And unless she had inhaled some of that smoke that was wafering from the "Confiscated" room where one of the teachers had recently confiscated a bong from two kids and she was now hallucinating, the flake was growing bigger all the time! In fact, it was growing so big that the snowflake was occupying the entire globe!

Stephanie didn't know what to think, but she had to get away from that snow globe before it exploded! She quickly took cover behind some boxes at the far end of the room and peered over the rim of one of the boxes. The snow globe itself was expanding because of the large, growing flake. Suddenly, there was a _pop_ like a gunshot, and Stephanie, in the blink of an eye, disappeared behind the boxes, praying with all of her might not to be killed (for what reason, she wasn't sure).

When she figured it was OK to look, she cautiously peered out from behind the box and saw a stiff-looking woman in her mid-fifties dusting off stray snowflakes from her petticoat. Stephanie squinted at the woman, hardly believing what she was seeing.

"What the…" Stephanie said, putting on the universal WTF face.

The older woman smiled at her.

"Hello, dearie." She said, smiling stiffly at her. Stephanie briefly wondered if the woman liked snacking on flakes of laundry starch, she was so stiff.

"I'd like to introduce myself." The woman said formally. "I am Elizabeth Cromwell, headmistress at Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues. You do know what a Mary-Sue is, don't you?"

Stephanie scrunched up her nose. Yeah, of course she knew what a Mary-Sue was. They were twig-thin goody-two-shoes that inhabited the world's fan fiction (well, some of it). That was another thing Stephanie was ostracized for: spending all of her time on the computer, reading and writing weird stories about character owned by someone else.

"Well, you lucky girl, we have an opening at our academy and you will be the one to fill it!"

Stephanie's blue eyes when wide. Did that old bat practically say that she was going to be morphed into a stick-thin, big-boobed ditz that captivated everyone she passed? Sure, she may have been lonely, but she wasn't about to be turned into a life-sized Barbie and be placed on display so some fictional, revamped-to-be-a-model-of-male-perfection characters could drool all over her. But, then again, she was curious by nature, and what was the worse that could happen?

"Uh…OK?" Stephanie said, still a little wary of the situation.

Miss Cromwell sighed.

"It seems as thought I have my work cut out for me." She said, her head cast down. "But I've had worse. Welcome to Miss Cromwell's Finishing School for Mary-Sues!" She then fished for her pocket watch.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but how are we going to get to this…place?" Stephanie ventured.

"Place?" Miss Cromwell said incredulously. "Place! That _place _is the finest institute for training only the world's most prestigious young women. Now if you don't mind, place your hand on the watch." She held it out for Stephanie to touch.

"But how…" Stephanie started, but apparently Miss Cromwell wouldn't have any of that.

"DO IT!" Miss Cromwell shouted at the poor girl. Stephanie rolled her eyes. _There they go again._ She thought. _Not listening to me._ So she did as she was told.

Suddenly, it felt as though someone was dragging Stephanie by her wrist as she was sucked into the watch. She didn't know what to expect, but she did know that it would be outrageous.

First chapter up. I hoped you all liked it. I know, no Harry Potter in this chapter, but I promise the next one will have it. I just realized something. With the end of the Potter series almost here, what will happen to fan fics? Will people stop writing them? Or will they keep going, rewriting everything that J.K. has put out there. I really don't want fan fics to end. There so much fun. Anyway, review and tell me if I should continue or if I should just get rid of it.


	2. Makeovers and Train Rides

Alright! So far, everyone likes it! This is a good sign. Now, on with the chapter!

Chapter #2: Make-overs and train rides

Stephanie's jaw dropped.

After her crazy ride through the pocket watch, she and Miss Cromwell had landed in the Grand Hall of the finishing school. It was like a mansion, only bigger. The Grand Hall was as big as a dance floor, with a large stairway leading to the upper levels. There were statues of nudes everywhere, and large, velvet curtains draped across the wide windows. Stephanie decided right then and there that she had never seen a more splendid abode in her life.

"Come along, come along," Miss Cromwell said quickly as she ushered Stephanie to the immense staircase. "We have much to do and not much time to do so! And don't gawk! It's very un-Mary-Sue-ish!"

Stephanie quickly stopped gazing at the magnificence of the mansion/castle type thingy, and focused her gaze instead on the stairs she had to climb. Stephanie's mind was reeling. What was this place exactly? Why was she here? Where were they going to take her? She was completely in the dark.

After many, many, _many_ staircases, hallways, secret passageways later, Miss Cromwell and Stephanie arrived at the dormitories. Miss Cromwell steered Stephanie inside a rather large one and sat her on the enormous four-post bed.

"Alright, now, we have much to do and-"but Miss Cromwell was cut off.

"OK, lady, first of all-"but Stephanie's karma quickly rebounded.

"When you address one of your elders," Miss Cromwell said sternly. "You do not use the term _'lady'_ in that tone! You say politely, ma'am."

"OK, _ma'am_," Stephanie emphasized to show she was learning something. "I have a few questions. First off, why am I here?"

"You have been summoned here," Miss Cromwell said as-a-matter-of-factly. "to replace our dearly departed Alexia Sierra Mary Laura Delgada in a story she was intended to star in." Miss Cromwell wiped a non-existent tear from her eye.

Stephanie sighed. Well, there was one thing she could account this woman for; she sure didn't beat it around the bush.

"And second of all," Stephanie continued. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Well, to put it simply," Miss Cromwell said. "We are going to transform you from an uncouth, crude, unpleasantly fat girl to a shining model of perfection so you will be suitable for the story!"

"OK, first of all," Stephanie said, her anger rising. "I am not fat! I'm average, OK? See the difference-"Stephanie began to gesture with her hands "-Fat: Round as a beach ball and over-sized skin hanging off said person. Average: Healthy, full figure with no fat hanging off said person, but not stick thin! And second of all, what kind of story is this I'm going to be put in?" Suddenly Stephanie was having second thoughts about consenting to come.

"Oh, you poor child!" Miss Cromwell cried. "You have such a distorted idea of what beauty is, you have this notion that fat is beautiful!"

Stephanie rolled her eyes. She hadn't been at this place for a half an hour, and already she was sick of it.

"But we will fix that!" Miss Cromwell stated with hope in her voice. "As for what sort of story you will be in, you will star in a literature masterpiece entitled, "His Only Love" which of course, is a Harry Potter fan fiction, in which you will go to Hogwarts and be sorted into Gryffindor, then-"But Stephanie didn't hear the rest. Her mind had gone blissfully numb.

Stephanie was a _huge_ fan of Harry Potter. She had practically grown up with it. Of course, when she had turned that fateful number eleven (the same year "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" came out in theaters, you do the math), she realized that her feelings for the young boy wizard were slowly, but surely, changing. He had started out, for her, as a really cool kid, an underdog that managed to rake his way out of the darkness and come out triumphant. He was her role model. But at that fateful age of eleven, she started to realize that he wasn't just some amazing kid with a magic wand. He was a boy. A really nice boy at that. And not a bad looking boy either. (A/N: I'm sure you all know where this is going. Heehee!) He wasn't like the boys she had grown up with: rude, lecherous, loud, and disgusting. He was, what is rare in these times, a gentleman. She began to think of Harry often. He occupied her every thought. And when she found out about Cho, she got angry. Really angry. Actually, she nearly had a heart attack. It would take her nearly six months to figure it out, but she was falling (hard!) in love with The-Boy-Who-Lived.

"…and that is about it. Excuse me, Miss Whitney? Are you listening?"

Stephanie snapped out of her trip down memory lane, thinking the whole thing had been a dream, since her teachers frequently addressed her that way when her mind wandered. But she soon discovered that the person who addressed her was not one of her teachers, but the oh so prim-and-proper Miss Cromwell.

"Hmmm, what? Oh, yeah, I was listening." Stephanie said in an off-tone.

"Good." Miss Cromwell said. "That means that we can start the beautification process! First order of business is to change that dreadful name of yours."

"Excuse me?" Stephanie stood up and glowered at Miss Cromwell. "Just what is wrong with my name!"

"It is too plain and homely for a Mary-Sue." Miss Cromwell said simply.

Stephanie sat back down on the bed in a huff.

"Now," Miss Cromwell continued. "To find a suitable name for you." She rubbed her chin. "Let's see…I know! We'll call you Stephania Aurora Renee Artemis Whitney Deavereux! There! That's much better!"

Stephanie blinked. What in the hell kind of a name was that! She was about to say so when Miss Cromwell cut her off once again.

"Now," She said, walking back and forth in front of Stephanie. "We need to do something about that atrocious figure of yours! Then we'll need to do something about your wardrobe…"

Stephanie looked down at her jeans, black T-shirt that said in bright, fluorescent colors, "Goonies Never Say Die!" (A/N: I love that shirt!), and black high-tops. She honestly didn't see anything wrong with them, but if she spoke up, she knew she probably wouldn't get much out.

"…and lastly," Miss Cromwell said. "We must do something about your hair and makeup. It's horrid!"

Stephanie thought "horrid" was going a little far. Sure, she wore a little bit of black eyeliner and washed her face regularly, so her acne wasn't bad, but she would hardly call it "horrid".

"Girls!" Miss Cromwell shouted in the direction of the door. Almost instantly, a dozen or so girls ran into the large suite, the first six carrying makeup kits, brushes, combs, and an assortment of other cosmetic products and the next six carrying numerous outfits, some of which looked like they belonged to a stripper.

For the next three hours, the dozen girls (coached my Miss Cromwell) transformed Stephanie into a life-sized Barbie doll. They did everything from caking foundation on her face to popping two kinds of pills in her mouth (one was to increase her bust size, all Mary-Sues must have at least double D cup sized breasts they said, and the other one was a diet pill to increase metabolism to keep skinny).

Eventually, the Mary-Sues subsided to let Stephanie through to see her new self. Stephanie had some trouble getting to the full-length mirror on the other side of the room (she was wearing platform boots and she had never had much experience with heels). When she finally scuttled over to the mirror, Stephanie thought she would faint.

"Oh, God," She said weakly. "I'm Jessica Simpson." She could practically feel her IQ drop about twenty degrees (A/N: Ouch!).

Stephanie was wearing an outfit that would make even a hooker cringe. She had on a completely see-through crop-top that showed off her lovely, lacey black push-up bra, some incredibly short shorts (yes, smaller than Daisy Dukes, if that's possible) which showed off her black, lacey thong that matched the bra. And lastly, the metallic platform boots that made her look as though she was going to start a strip-tease any minute. Stephanie longed for her nice, modest clothes. She was never one to show much off. Plus, the outfit was drafty!

"Yes, girls, I think we've done it!" Miss Cromwell said approvingly.

"Now," Miss Cromwell said, moving on. "In about an hour, the Hogwarts Express leaves, so we need to get your things together. Girls!" She said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Pack Miss Deavereux's trunk for her. We mustn't make her prone to breaking a nail!" And in a flash, the girls were off.

"As for you," Miss Cromwell said to Stephanie. "To maintain your new, lovely figure-"Stephanie snorted. "-you must take one of each of these pills a day." She held out the little bottles each labeling its purpose clearly.

Suddenly, the girls returned with a huge trunk, no doubt filled with more smutty clothes. One walked over and handed Stephanie a long, white fur cloak.

"Well, chop, chop!" Miss Cromwell said. "We mustn't be late!"

As the girls towed the trunk out the door, Stephanie threw the cloak around her shoulders tightly and followed Miss Cromwell.

Stephanie sat rigidly in the empty compartment. She couldn't believe she was on her way to Hogwarts. She was also nervous. As she had boarded the train, she had received some rather hungry looks from teenage boys that made her uneasy. Oh, how she longed for her nice, concealing clothes.

Suddenly, the train jerked to life, and they were on their way.

For the first few hours of the trip, Stephanie's ride had been pretty uneventful. Until a certain pureblood came and disrupted her silence.

"Well, well, well," drawled the infamous Draco Malfoy as he opened the door and waltzed right in as though he owned the place, his flunkies following. "Look what we have here." Malfoy advanced on poor Stephanie and sat down next to her.

"You just stick with me, gorgeous," he said suggestively. As Malfoy said this, he placed his hand on her thigh. Stephanie flinched.

"Don't want to go off making friends with the wrong sort," Malfoy continued as he slid his hand a little higher. That was all Stephanie could take.

"Listen, white-head," Stephanie snapped. "I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, and for the record, I wouldn't mind if you got your greasy little paw off my leg!"

Malfoy withdrew his hand and stood up. Stephanie saw her chance.

"GGGUUUUUUUCHI!" She screamed as she kicked Malfoy backwards, causing him to go sprawling into Crabbe and Goyle. They all fell threw the door and Stephanie shut it immediately.

Once she had calmed down, she looked at her watch. They would be at Hogwarts in minutes. She thought now would be the perfect time to get changed.

OK, second chapter's up. I'm so sorry this took me so long to update, but I've been having a rather hectic summer so far. Enjoy! Next chapter, Stephanie meets the trio! Remember, review and tell me what you think! And check out my new story when I upload it, called "Stuck on You."


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